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Sometimes God’s Sense of Humor Pisses Me Off

“Hey, Charles, How’s your web series thing going?”

“Seems like you’ve been working on Merce forever! What’s up with the show?”

“That trailer was a hoot; I can’t wait to see the series. When’s it coming out?”

Well, kids. Hmm. Hate to break it to ya, but this isn’t going to be the sunny happy joy-joy blog post from me that you’re used to. Here are my answers to the above questions.:

The web series thing? It’s going very frustratingly.

It totally feels like we’ve been working on Merce forever. Not much is up with the show. 

And here’s the hardest answer to give: I have no idea when the series will be out. None. Seriously.

It’s totally making me crazy, angry, frustrated, suicidal (except not really suicidal, because I’m not like that, but something dramatic and emotional, with a hair flip and a cigarette). We said that we’d have the show out in Spring of 2015, and here we are in mid-Feb with little to show for it. I pride myself on being a man of my word, and this is freaking my shit out.


When we completed shooting, our DP/Editor Johnny Coughlin assured us that he could edit about one episode per week. On that schedule (plus some grace time, give or take a week), we figured we’d be completely done editing by now, and half way through composer Ken Kruper’s scoring of each episode. At that rate, being out by Spring sounded like cake, baby!

Well, that’s not how it’s happening.

Johnny didn’t realize how complicated the editing would be, and it’s taking A LOT longer than we anticipated. Syncing all the sound files, color correcting, movie magic, it’s all a complex operation! Apparently, the idiot writer created ideas that weren’t just 1-2-3. And poor Johnny has to eat and pay rent ‘n’ all, so he has to work other jobs that take him away from Merce. AND every now and again he has to go home to bang his girl and sleep a bit. We all understand that. He has enlisted the aid of 2 assistants to help (with the editing, not the banging), but even with their help, the editing is just going to take the time it takes.

I’d much rather it happened at my schedule. I want it when I want it!  But God says, “HA!” I’ve said all along that it seems like this project is happening without me. It was easy to believe that there was some glorious kumbaya hocus pocus happening when things were going amazingly smooth. I have to trust that the same blessed mojo is still guiding the project, that the Divine Wow has it all under control. I have to believe that Merce will come out when it’s supposed to.

(OMYGOD, I just said that Merce would come out! As if he were ever in!!)

So far, episode one is pretty magical. With Tyne Firmin’s guidance,  Johnny is editing the show to be energetic and fun, and the musical number is bright and hilarious. Bess Eckstein as Corvette is a natural for the sit-com genre, and Randy Taylor as Remington is dreamy and charming. Tyne’s Mama is going to run away with the show, and even the funny-looking guy playing the lead has some really nice moments. I just can’t stand to look at his face.

In coolness news, I’m going to be on the Laff Tracks Radio Show on Saturday, February 28th. The show is on www.FLOEmpireradio.com from 1-3pm EST, hosted by the fabulous Joanna Briley. I think I’ll be on around 1:30, talking about Merce and trying to be funny. So tune in!

Coming Soon

I’m sorry that I’m not doing split jumps and cartwheels in this blog. I have a really shitty attitude. Hard for me to have faith that things are happening the way they should. But they are. And I still think that it’s going to be an amazing show.




P.S. Merce‘s Line Producer Samantha Slater and Art Director Darian Brenner are working on a fabulous short film project, SIBS. Follow the link to the info, and donate if’n ya can to help them make this a reality! I did. http://tinyurl.com/pkqgrs8


Old Lang Sign


Well, it’s 2015. I’ve never really understood what Auld Lang Syne meant. I’ve looked it up, but I never remember, so I’ve made up my own words:

“Should old LaQuayntense be forgot, And never brought to mind.”

(LaQuayntense was a big black girl I waited tables with some years back. She had dirty fingernails, wore undersized tube tops, and was really mean.)

“Should old LaQuayntense be forgot, and hang that old Lang sign.”

(I had a dear friend named Mark Lang who I’ve lost touch with. He’s older than I am. Much, much older. I want to start a custom where we hang signs for old friends to welcome them back.)

“For old Lang’s sign, my dear, for old Lang’s sign, we’ll drink a cup of kindness yet,

for old Lang’s sign.”

Around the turn of the year, I saw a lot of posts on Facebook and Twitter that 2014 sucked and 2015 was going to be amazing. Well, I’m here to say that 2014 didn’t suck, at least not all of it.

2014 was the year that my co-producer and director Tyne Firmin and I decided to make Merce a reality, and we did so much! I wrote the scripts, we raised over $15,000 to create the show, we hired the creative team and assembled the stellar cast, we had an amazing shoot. Truly, we couldn’t have asked for a more wondrous creative experience.

2014 was also the year that my boyfriend dumped me in an email. Totally Carrie Bradshaw, right? Blech.

We are now in the thick of editing Merce. The first result is our awesome trailer. (Have you seen it yet? Only once? Go RIGHT NOW and watch it again! www.MerceTV.com.) Johnny Coughlin, our cinematographer and editor, did a fantastic job putting together compelling images from the entire season, really making composer Kenny Kruper’s Merce theme song come alive. I think it’s a great representation of what the show is going to be: funny, outrageous, bawdy and terrific.

Here’s the rub: the editing process is driving me crazy. We set out an ambitious schedule to have an episode per week done starting in December, to have all eight episodes completed by the end of January. As of today, mid-January, we don’t have the first episode fully edited. Holy F@#*!! And after the editing, Kenny still has to score each episode. The whole thing is making me totally nervous.

To add to the worry and stress, my father passed away on Christmas night. He’d been sick for a while, and although we knew the end was near, we didn’t think he would go so quickly. His funeral was January 5, and my nephew and I sang at the service. It’s been tough, and I’m staying in Arizona for a few weeks to be with my family. My Dad’s passing makes all my emotions go into overdrive, so a little worry about the show becomes a lot, and a smidge of stress magnifies into a glob.

I fully trust Johnny. Tyne and Johnny and I set the editing schedule without realizing how complicated the editing would be, and the apparently the audio files are more involved than Johnny expected. Stuff I don’t understand, so I leave it to the experts. Johnny also has other work to take care of, pesky bills to pay. Although we said, announced even, that we’d have the show out by Spring of 2015, I think it’s more important that Merce be as good as it can be however long that takes. (Johnny assures Tyne and me that the show will be out on time. He’s employed an assistant, who’s helping to get us back on schedule.)

That’s why, so far, 2015 ain’t 100% awesome. BUT, I know that emotions are like clouds and they pass. My mood will lighten and I’m sure that I’ll be back in the cheering section soon. I still believe that Divine Wow is guiding this project, and I have to trust that everything is happening as it should.

Still, if you could say a few Christus Dominus’, I’d sure appreciate it.



P.S. Johnny just got engaged! Congrats and best wishes to him and his lovely fiancee Alyssa! (Now get to work, boi!)

P.P.S. LaQuayntense, if you’re reading this, you still owe me 20 bucks.


Raunchy is in the Eye of the Beholder

In the last blog (October 28), Merce‘s art director called the show raunchy. “The script has its raunchy moments,” Darian Brenner said.

As if! Raunchy? I mean, really?

OK, sure, there’s a few light enema jokes in the show, but they’re tasteful. And sure, Merce at one point sips coffee out of penis straws, but it’s not like they’re actual penises.  And there’s a song lyric by Ken Kruper where Merce talks about everyone in the whole room sucking his dick, but it’s a musical! What do you expect?!!?

Sexy Ryan Daniel Pater and goofy Charles

Steamy Ryan Daniel Pater as Billy and goofy Charles

I needed another opinion, so I asked Director of Photography Johnny Coughlin if he thought the show was raunchy. “No,” he said, “not really.” He took a moment, then a  huge smile came across his face, and he changed his answer with an emphatic, “YES, Charles. It’s totally raunchy!”

Well, Hmm. I never thought of Merce as raunchy. Truly.

I will admit that there were several times in the creative process that co-producer Tyne Firmin and I would talk about the proctology jokes in a scene or look at the boob paintings on the wall and shake our heads. We knew we were taking things pretty far. I’d tell him, “my parents are going to hate this,” and Tyne would respond, “my mother will say, ‘oh, dear. Did you have to?'” This kind of conversation happened often.

My goal when I started writing Merce was not to be particularly raunchy or shocking. I wanted to write a show that presented a modern HIV story, but my main goal was to be funny. Also, I think, to be unashamedly gay. For a lot in my life, I’ve tried (unsuccessfully) to kind of keep my own flame on the back burner. To try not to act so gay (whatever that means). Basically, to hide the parts of myself that may be too faggie for some people.

I wasn’t fooling anyone. I mean, I’ve been singing showtunes since I was 9. But I never wanted anyone to be uncomfortable around me. Some people just don’t understand.

Wait. Who are these ‘some people?’ And why are their feelings more important than my own?

See? It's a family show!! Holly, Mama and the choir: Rob Laqui, Sean Griffin, Tyne Firmin, Colleen Hawks-Pierce, B. Alexandra Little, Bess Eckstein

See? It’s a family show!! Holly, Mama and the choir: Alex Tomas, Rob Laqui, Sean Griffin, Tyne Firmin, Colleen Hawks-Pierce, B. Alexandra Little, Bess Eckstein

I’m almost 47 years old. I mean, geez, at what point am I going to just be who I am, regardless of what the world or my momma thinks? So in writing Merce, I decided to let him be unapologetic about his flamboyance, to let him celebrate his life, and let the entire show be silly and campy and even a bit risque. And as Tyne and I got other artists involved, we decided that we wanted to be 100%, bold and unafraid. Once we brought Ken Kruper on board, who wrote amazing songs with clever and funny lyrics that at times are more than a bit blue, we knew there was no turning back.

“More is more” was our rallying cry on set, so if there was a question as to how much cleavage a character should show, the answer was “a lot!” (For both the women and the men!) There wasn’t just some tasteful glitter on the Fairies’ cheeks, it was a ton on their whole faces. And if a joke seemed a little off color, it was always better to go all the way and make it dirty.

All the artists were only too happy to join in! No one ever said no to my requests, no matter how ridiculous. When I asked the Fairies to don S&M gear and crawl on the ground and shake their asses, they said “okay!” When I asked Ryan Daniel Pater (playing Billy the therapist) to take off his shirt and pants (but leave the boots on) and lie on the couch like a porn star, he said “okay!” The costumes, the set decorating, the make-up and hair, every performer in every scene was willing to be daring and mischievous and hilarious.

The always willing Fairies: Rab Laqui, Alex Tomas and Sean Griffin. Those boys are my favorite!

The always willing Fairies ready to cheer Merce on: Rab Laqui, Alex Tomas and Sean Griffin. Those boys are my favorite!

The show is going to be amazing. We’ve just barely started the editing process, so it will be a while before the show is ready for the world. Johnny is organizing all the raw footage (doesn’t that sound naughty?). He’s also working on a trailer, so that will be helpful for when we start thinking about getting a publicist and/or marketing person on board.

Perhaps I took the word raunchy in the wrong way at first, but now I embrace it. Merce is campy, funny, ridiculous, raunchy fabulousness. I’m so proud of all its humor, heart, cheesiness, and moments of lasciviousness.

And you know what? In allowing Merce be bold and unashamed, I think he taught me to be more bold and unashamed too.